Christmas House in Lights

What a fun video! I've always loved Christmas lights and this is one of the coolest displays I've seen. Enjoy! And remember to turn off my blog music just scroll down and press the pause button on the sonic song spot on the right side of your screen.

Trimming the Tree

We FINALLY got the tree up yesterday. I usually have it up much earlier so we can enjoy it for a longer amount of time, but maybe I'll just leave it up longer than usual this year. We got the tree ready to decorate and put in the movie Christmas Vacation and got a snack ready to enjoy while decorating. Then we began to dig out the ornaments. When we got married, we began a tradition of buying an ornament every time we took a trip anywhere. So needless to say we have a good many now. But I love getting them out and saying, "oh, remember when we went to..."! It's a great trip down memory lane. Of course we have about half a dozen or more ornaments from Disneyworld!! We have ornaments from Virginia, North Carolina, Savannah, Florida, St. John, the Bahamas, Gatlinburg. Sounds like we need to get off the East Coast some time, huh? But that's all the ones I can remember. We have multiples from some of those. But I do love them. The ornaments mean something to me, and I like that. Dad has also begun a tradition of giving us all a Baldwin ornament every year. These are brass ornaments that are so ornate and every year they come out with new designs. So we have about ten or more of these. Brian and I decided tonight that one day we will have a "fancy" tree that has the Baldwin ornaments on it and white lights and then have a "fun" tree that has our travel ornaments and colored lights on it. That will be fun and then everyone can really see all the Baldwin ornaments all together. They are so pretty. Here are a couple of them. Notice that Santa's rocking chair has Christmas cookies in it and the book, Twas The Night Before Christmas! And Santa's cozy quilt is thrown over the back of the chair.

So we had an evening full of Christmas cheer. And now the living room is all cozy with soft Christmas lights and decorations. I love it!! I think I might go warm up some of my recently purchased nestle hot chocolate and sit and enjoy it all. What a great way to end the day.

Turkey, dressing and Pie, Oh My!!

What a nice time we had at my sister-in-law's house. Ashlie and Clark have enough room in their beautiful home to hold all of us adults and kids quite comfortably. We all slept over, except mom and dad. Poor mom and Clark, they had to get up and go to work this morning--yuck! But what a good time we had and SO MUCH good food! We had TWO turkeys, one smoked and one roasted. We had a ham that mom and dad brought and tons of casseroles. Brian loved that! And desserts...we had chocolate pie that was just sinful it was so good, and a pumpkin roll and red velvet cupcakes. Too much! I felt like I need to try it all, and I did! We had plenty for left-overs too. So Brian and I had thanksgiving dinner again tonight at home, minus the green bean casserole I made b/c I left it at Ashlie's on accident, how sad. More for them I guess. We didn't need it anyway.

But it was just a lovely day all around. It was full of good conversation and the kids kept us laughing. Short example: Mom, Courtney and I were in the office with Wade, my brother's 3 year old son, and he was telling all of us that we were characters from Scooby-Doo. This is one of his new favorite shows. I was Daphne, Jennifer was Velma b/c she has glasses now, and mom was Shaggy (not sure how that worked out!) and then he told Courtney she was the ghost. And she said okay. Then he backed up and looked at her with furrowed brow and a worried look and he slowly walked into the foyer and ran as fast as he could into the living room. Clark later told me that when he went into the living room, he noticed that Wade looked strange and he asked Wade what was wrong. He said "there's a ghost." and Clark said "where?" and Wade told him it was in the office. Clard said "there's no ghost Wade" and he said "yes there is!" and then began to cry. He was very scared and upset!! So Clark had to come in and find out what was going on and why Wade was so scared. How funny what goes on in those little minds of theirs! SO CUTE.

I thought everyone might like to see a picture of the kids. Jennifer's kids are getting so grown up. Courtney is now as tall as I am. Unbelievable. Time flies. The pictures of all the kids at the fireplace was funny, it's hard to get all the kids to cooperate simultaneously! But at least you can see all the kids together. And I also include a picture of my pumpkin log that I was very proud of. I don't bake very often so this a big thing for me! It turned out to be quite good. Yay me! So I hope everyone had a great holiday! Enjoy the photos.>

Thanksgiving Day

Well, it's almost midnight as I post this so I will consider it officially Thanksgiving Day. We have so much to be thankful for every year but especially this year. I feel like it has gone so fast but a lot has happened and a lot hasn't happened (and sometimes that's a good thing if you know what I mean!). Here's a few things I'm thankful for:

Our progress in the adoption process, and I'm SO thankful that the paperwork is done!

My family is healthy, minus a few colds here and there, but God has blessed us this year with a healthy family once again.

I'm thankful that we are going to gather all together tomorrow and eat turkey and my mom's delicious dressing, casseroles, and lots of dessert, and we will share love and laughs.

I am also thankful that this year brought no major catastrophies with our house! Yay! That's a big one!

I'm thankful that God continues to teach me more about Himself.

I'm thankful that Brian is still enjoying his job at the office.

I'm thankful that we get to come home to a cozy house everyday.

I'm thankful that once we get home we enjoy being there and with each other.

I'm thankful for God's faithfulness to me despite my lack of it.

I'm thankful for our church and for the friendships we've made there.

I'm thankful for the new addition to my brother's family---Yay Brooks!

We are blessed with a lot here. I could go on and on. There's a lot to enjoy in life, and then there are things that are difficult, things we would rather have removed from our lives. But there is purpose even in those things. Sometimes my focus gets fixed on the things on want to see go, those hard, ugly things that make my life difficult. I become fixated on those. But I have to do like I'm doing now, and ask God to open my eyes to all the good things that He has given to me to enjoy. Sometimes, because they have always been there, I take them for granted. Like my family for instance, and my home. And even the beauty in nature. If we sit and think, really think and take notice, we would see all that we've been given and our hearts would pour out gratitude to Him. When we are thinking about all we have to be thankful for it becomes a little more difficult to complain...our complaining turns to praise! We just have to shift the focus. That's what I want to do more of.
Will you join me? Let's start today!!

HAPPY THANKSGIVING EVERYONE!!!!!!

Beauty Among Friends

There's nothing like sitting down and visiting with a friend you've known for years and years. Being known, really known, without having to explain anything about your past because they already know you. I appreciate this a lot more now after moving away from the town in which I grew up. Starting new friendships can be fun and refreshing and rewarding but it is definitely a challenge. I found this quote and wanted to send it out to all my friends (family counts as friends too!) reading this blog. Thank you for being there and I am so grateful to God for all of you.

"Special friends strike a resonant chord in your heart, there is something about them, some aspect of beauty or goodness that reminds you of God. I have an inkling that when you see the face of God in heaven you will say, "Yes, I always knew You!" It was Him all along that you loved whenever you were with that treasured person. In friendship, God opens your eyes to the glories of Himself, and the greater the number of friends with whom you share deep and selfless love, the better and more clear the picture of God you will have." Joni Eareckson Tada

Thank you for reflecting the glory of God to me through your friendship. Love you all.

In Celebration of Our Birthdays and Anniversary

October is always a fun month b/c we both have out birthdays and our anniversary. This year we celebrated both by going to St. Simon's Island. We decided to stay at The King and Prince. So Friday evening we headed out to Brunswick. We had a great ride. Brian made us a cd with music we BOTH like. Our taste in music is so different, but there are some songs we agree on so we just mixed those up and got them on a cd. Brian has gotten me to venture out a little and listen to some "new" stuff. I still can't get him to listen to my Disney cd's though! So we listened to our new cd and talked. It was a fun ride. I love road trips with Bri!! We always have good laughs and conversation.


I put a picture of the building our room was in down at the bottom of the entry. You can see our room on the bottom floor right behind our car. The hotel had a main building and then several separater buildings around it. We were in the Oglethorpe House. The room was not right on the water but close. It was a big room with a little kitchenette. You could tell it was old though with the musty smell and older tub and faucets. It hadn't been updated in a while BUT it was SO cozy! We could get the room dark in the afternoons which means it was a great room for the perfect nap!
We ate delicious food while we were there and the shopping was excellent. There was a cute little village area with cute stores and restaurants close by. The weather while we were there was PERFECT... chilly but sunny!!! Great for walking. And the water was beautiful, so sparkly in the sun. One morning while waiting for the brunch to start at the hotel, we sat in a swing on the lawn right off the beach and looked at the water. It was incredibly relaxing. It really was one of the most relaxing trips we've had. I don't know why that was. But it's one for the history books! I'm so thankful that we've been able to take many trips together. I love getting away with him, alone, without the stresses of work around him and on his mind. It's nice to just be able to concentrate on one another. I know Brian's thankful for that too. It's easier to do that I'm sure when there aren't kids running around. So I know things will change soon. We want to enjoy this last bit of time just the two of us by doing as much of that sort of things as we can. But it was just a wonderful trip and I'm grateful that we got to go. Here are some pics! Enjoy.

Beauty

You all know that I love the Fall. There is something about it. The colors, the smell, the crisp air. I find myself in awe over it. This week has been so beautiful and the weather is perfect fall weather. When I take the dogs outside I find myself just standing somewhat trance-like staring at the colors on the trees. It's like I can't get enough! I don't want to look away because I know soon they'll be gone and I just want to drink it all in while I can. This week in my Bible study I am reading about beauty and why it's around us. In the bible study are these words:
"Why did God create a world of such beauty? Was it primarily for His enjoyment or for ours? John Piper, in a sermon on The pleasure of God talks about the intricate beauty of the fish that live so deep in the ocean that, for thousands of years, man never knew of or saw, much less enjoyed, their beauty. God obviously created these particular fish for His own pleasure. Our love and enjoyment of beauty is part of God's image in us."

In Genesis, we read how God made every living creature on the earth. In Genesis 1:31 it says that God saw everything that He had made and indeed it was VERY good. He loved His creation. He enjoyed His creation. And I believe that because He made us in His image, that is why we enjoy creation. Don't you think that He loves it when we look around at what He has made and say to ourselves "it's very good!!"?

In Revelation it speaks of the new earth that is to come when Jesus returns and the description of it is unbelievable! I can't wait to see it. Listen to this describing the new Jerusalem: "her(the city) light was like a most precious stone, like a jasper stone, clear as crystal....The construction of its wall was of jasper and the city was pure gold like clear glass. The foundations of the wall of the city were adorned with all kinds of precious stones: the first foundation was jasper, the second sapphire, the third chalcedony, the fourth emerald, the fifth sardonyx, the sixth sardius, the seventh chrysolite, the eighth beryl, the ninth topaz, the tenth chrysoprase, the eleventh jacinth, and the twelfth amethyst. The twelve gates were twelve pearls: each individual gate was of one pearl. And the street of the city was pure gold, like transparent glass!" Can you even imagine such a beautiful place?!!

From my Bible study again: "The dictionary defines beauty as 'the quality in anything that gives pleasure because it somehow begins to fill our deep longings. There is a mystery in beauty that defies logic or quantification. We don't always know why we find something beautiful, but we experience an inner stirring of pleasure that longs for more. What if all beauty is ultimately a reflection of God? We could say beauty is the visible symbol of the unseen glory of God."

"Ah, but we want so much more....we do not want merely to see beauty, though, God knows, that is bounty enough. We want something else which can hardly be put into words--to be united with the beauty we see, to pass into it, to receive it into ourselves, to bathe in it, to become part of it." C.S. Lewis

And that is exactly how I feel when I'm at the mountains in the fall and I see all the beautiful tree tops filled with color. I want to step out into it and be enveloped by it. But I realize now, it's not the colors or the weather themselves that draw me in. It's that I'm looking at a part of God Himself. It is God that my heart truly desires. It is heaven and eternity with God. That state of COMPLETE rest and peace and beauty untainted by the sin of this world. To be with God forever, the one who created all this beauty. But for now, I will look at the world and see the beauty in His creation realizing that this is God's revelation of Himself here on this earth to all of us. I want to be a person who will take the time everyday and see Him around me, in the little things that bring joy inexpressible to my heart. And one day, I will get to see heaven and the King in all His glory. Sometimes I try to imagine what it will be like. Brian says that when we get there he thinks that we'll say, "I had no idea!". I think this is true. What beauty we shall see!

Family

Brian and I had a great weekend with his parents. Every spring and fall they come through either on their way to or from Florida. It's always great to see them b/c we don't get to see them as often as we like. Especially the last few years. It seems like every time we have a visit planned it gets postponed due to, well, different things. But we did get to see them this weekend and it was a fun, relaxing visit for everyone I think. They were thoroughly entertained by the mischief of one dog named Grissom. He never slowed down, not once! Except at night when we'd put him away in his crate. But come morning he was full blast! It took him a few minutes to warm up to them but he soon realized he had new friends to lick (yuck!) and to play with! Shiloh was her normal sweet but quiet self. The weather was gorgeous too so we got outside with the dogs a little.

We are just so thankful to have such wonderful family on both sides. We both enjoy being with each other's family and I think that's a pretty rare thing. Both our parents have set examples of what marital commitment means and I KNOW that is a rare thing these days. So thank you, moms and dads, for that. It is nice to reflect on that as we just celebrated our 6Th anniversary. We're just startin' out but you've set us out on the right road.

So we are looking forward to seeing my family in a few weeks for a brief visit and then again at thanksgiving. Then we will get to see all of Brian's family in December during a long visit then...finally back to New York after what?...3 years for me I think. That's so weird that it's been that long! I look forward to it. Maybe I'll even see some snow which is an added bonus!

Until our next visits, everybody take care and we love you very much and thank you for loving us as you do!!

Need A Laugh?

This was so cute I had to share. He sings with much conviction! Remember that to turn off my blog music you need to scroll to the bottom of the blog and hit pause on the music songspot.

Our Special Evening

Thursday night, Brian had a special event to go to for work and he asked if I would be willing to go with him. Of course I told him I would. So we dressed up and headed out to Jonesboro for a not so fun reception for the Clayton county elected officials. It was one of those things you don't really want to do but you know you have to make an appearance, shake a few hands, yada yada yada. So we got to the place where they said they were holding the event and lo and behold, the doors were locked and everything was dark! Brian looks at me and says, "YES!!!" ! Then he thought maybe it was being held at the civic center so we drove over there and there were no lights on and no cars. There was no one we could call to figure out what was going on. Brian was so thrilled when he realized that we didn't have to go through with it. He yanked off his tie and said "now let's you and me go to a nice restaurant to eat since we're all dressed up. I'm so happy that you and I can have a nice evening out together!". So we went over to downtown McDonough and tried a restaurant we'd never been to before called Seasons. There weren't many people there so it was very quiet. They seated us in the back in these high back leather chairs close to the fireplace. We got fried risotto balls for appetizer along with bread. Then we ordered Autumn butternut squash soup---delicious. Brian had a Cornish game hen with the best mashed sweet potatoes I've ever tasted! The must have used a whole stick of butter! I ordered this great fish with vegetables. They took time bringing out each course so it wasn't rushed. It was incredibly relaxing. And what a treat---we thought we were headed out for a rather boring evening and it ended up being simply wonderful all the way around! That was a terrific birthday surprise for us both.

Brian

"There are no words to express the abyss between isolation and having one ally. It may be conceded to the mathematician that four is twice two. But two is not twice one; two is two thousand times one." GK Chesterton

When I read this quote in a book my sister recently gave me, I immediately put a heart next to it along with one word, "Brian". I am so blessed that God chose this man to be in my life. He is my ally and has fought with me and beside me through a lot. I can count on him stand along side me in life. These are a few things about Brian I love and that you may not know!

Brian...
1. ..is a truly kind person
2. ..is a very witty person that makes me laugh till I am gasping for air!
3. ..is a risk taker ( a little scary for me since I like consistency. "no changes please!")
4. ..is an independent thinker. He doesn't just go with the crowd (this a really challenged me to think independently too)
5. ..is optimistic--the glass is always half full (we are really different in this area since I tend to be a pessimist. I choose to think of it as being realistic! I love that he stops me and reminds me to think positively.)
6. ..is a hard worker. And he enjoys working.
7. ..enjoys taking care of his family and does not resent it.
8. ..enjoys being home. I like that he enjoys being here.
9. ..encourages me to try new things. I need a push in order to do this. And b/c he does this I have learned that it is good to take risks, and that good things can come from it. Although it still does not come naturally to me.
10. ..is intelligent and so good at thinking through issues and ideas
11. ..is a good singer and I love to hear him singing beside me at church. It makes me feel happy.
12. ..thinks I'm pretty okay too and lets me know this consistently
13. ..does great voice impressions (not many people know this!)
14. ..compliments me sincerely on a regular basis (ladies, you know we need this!)
15. ..loves kids and is so good at talking with them in a way that makes them know that what they think is important and interesting to him.
16. ..makes awesome lasagna
17. ..does not love Disneyworld like I do but he still got us annual passes and has been with me at least 6 times now!
18. ..wants to make me happy.
19. ..is great at picking out the perfect gift for people.
20. ..likes to be spontaneous.
21. ..LOVES his pets, uhhhh, a whole lot!!
22. ..is a wonderful employer and looks for ways to encourage his employees.
23. ..had his own "business" in highschool. He sold chips and candy out of his locker at school! He has quite an entrepeneurial spirit!
24. ..is my best friend EVER.

HAPPY 35th BIRTHDAY BRIAN!!!!! I LOVE YOU.

On the List

The agency received all of our papers (minus the one we're waiting on from California) this week and as of yesterday we are officially on the waiting list!! Yeehaw!! So, if there is a 3-6 month waiting period for the referral, and we travel a couple of months after we get the referral, then it's around 9 months until we get the baby---sort of like we're pregnant!! This time, it will really happen. No crazy emotional roller coasters. As I said before in an earlier post, it's still surreal. But we're getting closer and that feels good.

I was thinking about something the other day. There is a woman out there right now, living in Vietnam and pregnant. And she is carrying the child that we will one day hold, and love and kiss goodnight. There will be a delivery and there will be tears (sad or happy, I don't know). What about the mom? Is she worried, sad, alone? Does she wish that she could keep her child or is she already wishing for the day she can let it go? What are her living conditions like? Is she able to eat healthy things and get medical attention? Is she younger or older? I'm so curious, but I will never know these things. But I do know that God sees her and He knows her heart. And he knows the baby that she is carrying, our baby. Will you please pray for her and for the baby? Pray for her protection and that the baby will be healthy and safe wherever she may choose to leave her. Pray for the delivery of the baby that it goes smoothly and that she has a good doctor. Pray that our baby will be cared for well during that short but important part of her life. Strange to think of those things isn't it? I feel so out of control and that's not easy for me. But I trust the One who is in control. He sees it all. Thank you God for all you've already done, and all you are doing and will do for us. What grace you have given us.

D-O-N-E!!

....well, almost. I went to Atlanta this week and got the extra document state sealed and then mailed it off to California. I was a little bummed that I have to wait an additional 2 weeks for that to come back. But my coordinator at the agency emailed me yesterday and let me know that I could mail in my dossier without the document and just mail it to her as soon as it comes back from California. Once she gets the dossier she will go ahead and put us on the referral waiting list. So I went to the post office today and mailed our dossier to her and she should get it by 3 o'clock tomorrow---Yippee!!! And by the way, just to give everyone an idea on how much paperwork there was to mail off, the shipping was almost $30.00! That's a lot of paper! So we will be "officially" on the waiting list. I asked if the wait time is still 3-6 months and she said it was but that she does expect it be go up b/c so many people are wanting girls. So we may end up waiting a little longer than we initially thought but you never know, we may not. I'm trying to remain flexible! No expectations. It is weird though, not having a set date on when we'll go to Vietnam. It definitely makes this whole thing seem not so real. I don't feel rushed to get things done b/c part of me figures I'll have plenty of time and it all seems like an illusion of sorts. But I should really be kicking things into gear NOW b/c it will probably all sneak up on me!
So, it's a little strange having the paperwork all in the mail. It's surreal! I keep thinking, "Did I get everything in there and is it all correct?". I feel like something is missing! We'll find out if so. So there it is, the big light at the end of the tunnel, and it's shining brighter than ever.

Oh, The Paperwork!

Well, we were SOOO close to being finished! I gathered up and organized all the final paperwork to send off to the agency and took it over to the post office yesterday, and when I got there realized that I had forgotten something. So I thought to myself that I would just take it Friday morning before Brian and I headed out of town. I was a little frustrated with myself but thought, "okay, it's really no big deal". When I got home that evening, I saw a that a letter from the agency had come in the mail. The letter stated that Vietnam now requires the full homestudy report instead of the two-page report (that we had paid extra to acquire!) and they need an extra $100 also. So it really was a good thing that I had not sent the package out or else we would have had to wait to get it back before getting the new items in it. Providence saves the day once more! So now I have to go back to downtown Atlanta to get the full-page version of the homestudy certified and authenticated. At least this time I know where I'm going. Hopefully that can get done Monday or Tuesday. We will definitely push for that. SO, not too much longer..."Patience, my pet!".

The Homestead

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I thought I would post some pictures of our house b/c I know it's changed a little bit since some of you have seen it. No drastic changes but little things here and there, maybe only things I myself would notice. We have a humble home, but we have enjoyed it and it is thoroughly cozy. It has been perfect for our needs. However, two dogs (if Mr. Playtime stays) and a baby will make it seem a little smaller than it feels now. As you all know, I love the Fall and so I decorated the house with those colors. My sister loves bright colors, but I love the cozy warm tones. It's funny, when we look at pictures of rooms in books or magazines, the differences in our tastes and preferences really become apparent!! We are opposites in that way. Except we do both love red, so we do have that in common. The warm colors are definitely what I'm drawn to. I just recently painted our from door red. It was white before. I've wanted a red door for a long time and finally got the nerve up to do it. It was pretty challenging but worth the effort in the end. Brian and I pressure washed the porch and rails the other night and unfortunately some of the water hit the front door and chipped off a couple of tiny spots. Bummer!! I think it can be touched up though. But I think the red door does give the house a little curb appeal since we don't have any flowers planted in the yard right now. The guest room will eventually become the baby's room. I will definitely put some pictures up of that when we get started and when we finish. But for now, enjoy the little tour of the homestead.

Doggie Update

So, I thought I'd update everyone on how Grissom is doing. Obviously, we still have him. A weekend has turned into a week and I suspect a week will turn into, well.....we're not sure yet! We have discussed maybe fostering him while the humane society posts listings for him. Brian would sure love to keep him. I'm becoming more attached but he just takes so much energy! I can see putting this much energy into a child, but a dog?!? Maybe I'm just used to Shiloh and her lazy ways. Grissom is cute and he seems to be learning how he SHOULD behave around Shiloh, but he regresses a good bit. He is great at going outside to do his business too which is very important! Shiloh sets a good example there. Shiloh seems to be a little more used to him now although he does interrupt her naps and she does not seem altogether pleased about that. That is a line he doesn't want to cross! He loves to play with his toys and he really wants nothing to do with sleeping. He's just like the energizer bunny!
We took him to get his shots and he will be neutered soon. Maybe that will help with some of the aggression.
We took him with us when we babysat the kids last week and Jack just seemed to have a ball with him. I was nervous that he would snap at Jack b/c he does that as he plays. Jack was loving it though and even though he did get little snips from Grissom here and there, he had a great time with him. Jack wore the little guy out so he slept all the way home. Every time Grissom would snip at Jack, Brian would say, "Are you okay?" and Jack finally said, "why do you keep asking me if I'm okay?" ! So apparently Jack didn't mind too much.
So we'll see where it goes from here. He might just crawl right up into my heart one of these days! You never know, you never know.

A Very Special Guest

We have a new member of the family, well, at least for the weekend. His name is Grissom (b/c he is always sniffing for "clues" like the dude on CSI) and we actually don't know how old he is. We think he's a beagle and maybe dachshund mix, and yes, he does have on a doggie diaper! You never know what a puppy is going to do and when! Gail, who works with Brian, found him under her car one day last week and has been caring for him since. She was going out of town this weekend so she asked if we could keep him and of course Brian was thrilled to take on that duty! He was as excited as when we adopted Shiloh. So Grissom has been with us since Thursday. He is VERY much a puppy still. He is very different from Shiloh who just sleeps all day. Grissom has things to chew and things to sniff so you'd better just get out of his way! Especially if you don't want your toes to become a chew toy! But he does great in a crate so when he gets a little carried away that's a great place for a rest. He's sort of brought out the puppy in Shiloh (to an extent!). It's sort of a little brother type of situation. He just would love it if Shiloh would play with him and he just aggravates her to death to no avail. Shiloh just stands there and takes it and ignores him as much as she can. When we brought out all of Shiloh's toys that she NEVER played with she all of a sudden became VERY interested in them when she saw Grissom was enjoying them. Doesn't that sound just like something a sibling would do?!!

So,it's been quite an adventure here. We'll see how the rest of the weekend goes. Brian will be so sad to see him go. He IS very cute and has the sort of crazy eyes that are just a little too big for his face...adorable. And he's just so tiny. What a cutie!

Choices

There are times in life when we have to choose what we are going to believe about God. I have been faced with this choice many times. There have been moments when what I was faced with was inconsistent with my expectations and I had to stop and reevaluate my perspective. Things happen in our lives that we don't understand and that seem cruel and unmerciful and sometimes, just not fair. When we are faced with these moments we have a choice to make: what are we going to believe about God? Who are we going to believe that He is? Merciful? Loving? Sovereign? It's not always easy to believe these things, especially when we only see hard times coming. I was just thinking about these things today and I got out some old journals b/c I remembered having written some things down about this. So I thought I would share some of it with you all. Some of it is quotes from authors I love and some just my own thoughts so hopefully it's not too confusing!
Dec. 12, 2004: "Lamentations 3:9-'He has blocked my way with hewn stone; He has made my paths crooked.'....Exactly how I feel! I'm so thankful though to know I'm not the only one who has felt this way! Vs. 8 too: 'So I say, My strength has perished from the Lord. And so has my hope from the Lord.'. ... But maybe this is where the rubber meets the road. What do I believe? Is God God or not?"
"We are given opportunity daily to reopen the question--Is God really God?... yes, when He does what I think He ought to. no, when He doesn't. I'll trust Him when things are going my way, and I'll reopen the question when things fall apart. Sovereign? well, I think so. Loving? some of the time. Able to save to the uttermost? Hmmmmmm. He IS God. Settle it. Be still and know it. Refuse to consider. The decision is a lifetime decision, and when other gods ring the doorbell, we need not bother to answer, except to remind ourselves: The king of glory is the Lord of hosts, Him alone I will trust and obey."
"Lazarus was sick. His sisters sent word to Jesus, sure that He would come immediately to heal him, But Jesus did not budge. So it happens some times with us. We are in urgent need of God's help. We ask for it. It does not come, We easily conclude that God is not listening , or that He does not care about our concerns, or that all the promises of His love have broken down. John 11:6: 'though He loved Martha and her sister and Lazarus, after hearing of his illness Jesus waited for two days'. Loving and waiting. The two things do not seem to us to go together, not in the middle of our particular situation. But the story lights up a facet we would miss. The glory of God is wrought through suffering and death which are strictly temporary. God is engineering things we can hardly dream of. Lazarus' story opens our eyes. He was indeed very ill. Mary and Martha were desperate. He died. THEN Jesus came. Lazarus' resurrection revealed the authority of God over the worst powers at work in the world, showed us His glory....Some day His glory will be revealed b/c of this thing we are desperate about. Remember it is because He loves us that He waits. Immediate intervention would abort the far greater thing He has in mind. Trust Him for the greater." E. Elliot .

God sees a bigger picture and He works to that end. In fact, if God didn't care about us, wouldn't it just be easier for Him to just give us everything we wanted? Yes, much like a loving parent He instead gives what we NEED and sometimes takes things from us so that we can be refined and made to be more like Him. Those times are not easy but we have to remember that what we see with our earthly eyes does not define or restrict God! He is working in and around and through all this that we see in order to bring us to a place we cannot see.
Sometimes it is easy to believe what is true about God, that He is loving, merciful and kind and that He sees me. Other times, the decision is more intentional. The great thing though is that when those moments come, and we are weak and having difficulty believing the truth, He is not angry or frustrated with us. No, indeed, He helps us believe. Amazing!! He remembers we are only dust and He has compassion. What mercy. What grace. Choose to believe that He is who is says He is. If the choice is difficult today, just go to God and tell Him so. Go as you are, He will accept you and love you there.

"Something I am going through today looks like a rough valley. It is not only that, it is, in the hand of God, a way out, a passage to a better place, a gateway to glory." E. Elliot

Lord, let there be, in my heart, rest instead of worry. Let there be belief instead of doubt. Let there be trusting instead of wavering. Let this be the refining, like that of silver, and may I, in the end of this road, be purified. Lord, help me to do this well.

Sunday

Brian and I had a great day today. First of all, the weather was awesome! It actually felt a little fall-ish today. I love it! We went to Sunday School and to church and both were wonderful. Our teacher has been teaching on the attributes of God. It's an interesting study and our teacher is interesting to listen to. We went home after picking up some lunch and took a very needed nap. You HAVE to take a nap on Sunday-- it's the unspoken rule! We got up and even though we were running late, we headed back to church for our small group with the Sunday School class. We're going through a financial planning lesson right now. It's a study that Dave Ramsey has done. He is a financial "guru" who is a Christian so his study is based on Christian principles. It's been good so far. I'm going to try to read his book and see if I can learn some things about our finances. Brian would be so proud! But we really had a good time hanging out afterwards, eating dinner with the friends we've made in the class. It's difficult to get to know people sometimes, especially when you only see them once a week for a limited amount of time. But we've continued to go to small group and I feel like we've finally broken through past that time of just getting to know each other and now we're able to sort of go to the next level in conversation which is great! I've really enjoyed getting to know the people in our class, and we're forming some good friendships there. So now we're back at home and Brian is watching his Yankees game so he's a happy boy. He loves those Yankees!
We're hoping to get our documents back from California this week and send them out soon to the agency. We'll keep our fingers crossed!

Travis Cottrell - In Christ Alone

I wanted to share this song with everyone. I first heard it during one of our first visits to the church we go to now. We had just come out of a difficult season, our second miscarriage, and the words to this song ministered to me in such a deep way. They still do. It is the Gospel message, the message of hope and peace. The truth of the Gospel is that we are loved and completely accepted by God through Jesus' death on the cross. Our struggles and sin no longer define us, and we do not have to fear or feel guilty because of our sin. He is our Comforter and He is the Giver of Peace. When I hear the words to this song, or the gospel message preached, I am just reminded that in God alone is our hope. I don't have to worry about the future and what it holds. He is the One in control here and always has been. I can fall back and let go because He is trustworthy. "I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord...plans to give you a future and a hope."

I hope you all enjoy it, and that it reminds you of all that Christ has done for us to allow us to stand before God guiltless and righteous..... How awesome!! I can't help but feel better when I think about that!

(If the website music continues to play when you start the video, just scroll to the bottom of your screen until you see "sonific songspot" on the right side. Then click "pause".)

The Office

No, I'm not referring to the new show on television, although it is HILARIOUS. I'm referring to my new place of employment. This time however I'm wielding rubber gloves and a sponge instead of a pen and paper. Yes, I am officially a janitor!! Well, we like to refer to me as the "cleaning staff"! Brian decided he was going to replace the former cleaning lady around the same time I was applying for jobs. I had applied for a couple and never heard back from them. I really just wanted something for this period of waiting, something that would bring in a little money. When he mentioned that he would be replacing her, I said "I'll do it!". I love to clean so it's really right up my alley. And I was glad to do it b/c every time I'd go to his office I'd find myself cleaning anyway b/c the other girl was not very thorough. So, I go in and clean in the mornings before anyone else arrives. It's quiet and I go at my own pace and I'm finished with work very early. I'm on an every other day kind of rotation. I just love it. I know it sounds a little nutty. Most people would not prefer that type of job. But I find it just perfect for what I was wanting and now, when we go to get the baby, there will be no problem with quitting.....I know the boss. So, thank you Lord for this very befitting job. I prayed very specifically for the best type of job for our situation and I believe that is what I've got!!

On Mistakes

We did get our documents out to California-finally! They went out Friday "Next Day" so they got them on Saturday. Brian had gone and picked up the cashier's check that we had to include in the package on Wednesday. I realized the next day right before I was heading to the post office, that one of the documents I had put in the package was not supposed to go and unfortunately we had included the $50 for it already in the cashier's check. So I thought I would call the bank to see if we could exchange it for a new one for the correct amount. She said we could, (I am glad we could save that $50, every little bit helps, right?) and she also asked if this was for adoption and I told her it was. She said that both our names needed to be on the check and that we both needed to be there for that. So I am so thankful that I made the error with the amount of the check b/c had I not, I would have sent the check out with only Brian's name on it. They probably would have sent all of our docs back b/c of it! So mistakes are not always "mistakes". As they say, God is in the details. Thank goodness too b/c I'm not always paying close enough attention to the details! So hopefully we will be getting those back next week and can send them out to the agency.

When Love Takes You In - Steven Curtis Chapman

This is a wonderful song about adoption. He has two adopted daughters from China. I love the words, especially the second verse, "In a moment what was is lost in what will be..". Well said.

The Journey

In the past few years I have been trying to journal consistently. This year I haven't done so well. But I'm trying to do better. The other day I got out one of my older journals and was reading through some of my entries. It's weird how it immediately takes me back to those emotions I was having at the time. That's what I love about journaling though. I tend to forget what my week was like last week let alone 2 years ago!! It's a great way to see how my thinking has changed or unfortunately sometimes has stayed the same though it needs to change. It's neat to look back at the road we've walked and where it's brought us. I only wish there was a way to see where it was taking us!!!! Wouldn't that be helpful?!? Or maybe not. Maybe that would be a little "scaredy", as my nephew Jack would say.
As I read I just want to scream "thank you" to God for His amazing faithfulness, not just for walking with us through the difficult times we've had but also for teaching us something while in them. You know, it's a hard lesson to learn sometimes, but God is not here to fulfill our every desire and wish. I think if He did that we end up worse off then we were before. He is here to reveal Himself to us so we'll know Him more, so that we'll believe that He is good ALL THE TIME, no matter what He brings into our lives. Sometimes I think I have a learning disability! I should know by now that my plans for my life are not always (not usually) God's plans. I have learned that it is better to have no expectations, although I haven't learned How to do this!! It's so much easier said than done. In one of my journal entries from last year I wrote, "I'm learning more and more that God is not so interested in my plans for things. I think I have great solutions to our problems and tell Him those solutions. I'm sure He's saying to me, 'Well that's okay, Jan. I've got things pretty much covered. I don't really need your solutions!' But still I get disappointed when things don't work out the way that seems easiest. ....I wish I could see the Big Picture. That is not granted to me but what is granted to me is the grace to make the right choice in my thinking and attitude, the grace to choose trust and faith over worry and fear."
I found this great prayer that I think sort of sums up the way I want to think:
"Take from me, O Lord,that self-pity which love of myself so readily produces, and from the frustration of not succeeding in the world as I would naturally desire, for these have no regard for your glory, Rather, create in me a sorrow that is conformable to your own. Let my pains rather express the happy condition of my conversion and salvation . Let me no longer wish for health or life, but to spend it and end it for you, with you, and in you. I pray neither for health nor sickness, life nor death, Rather I pray that you will dispose of my health, my sickness, my life, and my death, as for your glory, for my salvation, for the usefulness to your church and your saints, among whom I hope to be numbered. you alone know what is expedient for me,. You are the Sovereign Master, Do whatever pleases you. Give me or take away from me. Conform my will to yours, and grant that with a humble and perfect submission, and in holy confidence, I may dispose myself utterly to you. May I receive the orders of your everlasting, provident care. May I equally adore whatever proceeds from You." Blaise Pascal
I feel like my thoughts are sort of scattered today so I apologized if this is all over the place and doesn't seem cohesive. I guess what I'm saying is that when I look back I can see God's hand directing and guiding to where we are now. I see that He's been faithful to continue to teach me despite my hard-headedness, and He will continue to guide and teach in His goodness, and He IS good. And this is why He can be trusted even when the road is bumpy and full of curves and I can't see where in the world it's going. I can see, as I look back, that God is in control of it all. It's encouraging to me and it reminds me that I need to let go of the worrying and trying to figure it all out. There is rest in His sovereignty. Peaceful rest.

Shiloh

I had to write a post about the current baby of the family, Shiloh. Isn't she the cutest?!? Our family knows that we treat her like a baby. Brian says that we pour all of our parental instincts into her. How true. What will she think when we bring the baby home? I hope we'll still make here feel special somehow. This is a great picture of her. I was not feeling well that day and it was as if she knew it and wanted to comfort me. Well, that's how I chose to see it anyhow! She has been the most special blessing and at just the right time. She still makes us laugh at least once a day. Brian wants to get another one, but I'm not sold on that idea yet. I tell him if we move into a bigger house, maybe then we could. But I just can't imagine 2 dogs and a baby in this space we have now. I'm sure it's been done before though. He wants a beagle puppy. I say, let's get a dog that's already potty trained! But the beagle puppies are SO adorable with their long, floppy ears. We'll see. I wasn't sure about getting Shiloh when we did, but Brian proved me wrong and now I can't imagine life without her!

And so we wait....again

Last week I was able to get all of our 15 documents notarized and certified and actually made it to the Secretary of states office to have them place the Great Seal of Georgia on each one! That was an adventure because I had to go to downtown Atlanta to get that done. I'm not too familiar with downtown, but Brian helped me out with the directions and told me where to park. It wasn't difficult at all! I first had to go to the Fulton County courthouse which is actually within walking distance to the Secretary's office, so it wasn't that big of a deal. But while I was in there, the lady helping asked if we were adopting and from where, so we began to chat. When I got what I needed from her, I crossed the room to get my paperwork together. A man who was seated at a computer there said, "I couldn't help overhearing your conversation about adoption. My wife and I are adopting from Guatemala. We go to get our little girl in November!". It was neat to get to exchange a little bit about our experiences . He then gave me specific directions to the Secretary's office. I'm glad he did too b/c I may have gotten turned around. So all went well, without a hitch. Now I will send all of those documents out to California tomorrow. It should take the Vietnamese Embassy there about 2 weeks to check our documents and to authenticate them. Then they will send them back to us (hopefully there will be won't be any errors for us to correct), and we will send them on to our agency. Once our agency gets them, checks for errors, and translates them, they will send them on to Vietnam. Then all the paperwork will be complete and out of our hands. I can't even imagine what that's going to feel like!



So we'll be waiting for a couple of weeks to hear back from the Embassy. Waiting is hard, huh? Life is full of it. First we can't wait to grow up, then we can't wait to get married, then we can't wait to have kids, and then (from what I've heard) you can't wait til your kids get old enough to do such and such....and the list goes on. Sometimes I feel like I'm wishing time away. And it's speeding along so fast. Jennifer says it well, "the days go by slowly but the years goes by fast". That's so true. We are so excited about this baby and all that parenthood brings, but we need to enjoy the time that is now. God has purpose in this time, in this season and has given us so many blessings to enjoy and be thankful for. I want to make sure I'm not missing them b/c I'm looking and waiting for the next thing.

Seasons

I just love it when a new season arrives!! It seems I'm always ready for a change when it comes. Right now I am SO ready for the Fall and for cooler weather. But I'm also ready for Fall because it is my absolute favorite of all the seasons! Along with the cool weather it brings breathtaking beauty. I love the fall colors so much that I decorated my house with them! They are such warm and cozy colors. I wanted to surround my everyday life with the colors of the season I love the most. Life has many seasons, too, doesn't it? There are seasons of life that bring the warm, cozy memories and then there are seasons of life that seem cold and hard. They seem to drag on so long that it seems that you'll never see and feel the refreshing feeling of change. The Bible speaks about that. It says there is a time for all things, to laugh, to cry, to mourn, and even a time to dance (Ecc. 3). Brian and I have come out of one of the "colder seasons" of our lives and God has brought us into a new, vibrant one. We are in the process of adopting a little girl from Vietnam. It's a time of excitement, nervousness and anticipation. My sister Jennifer has become an avid blogger and suggested that a blog would be a great way to keep family and friends updated on our progress. So here I go, my first blog! It will be fun to involve friends and family in our journey. I hope everyone will enjoy coming along.