Oh, The Paperwork!

Well, we were SOOO close to being finished! I gathered up and organized all the final paperwork to send off to the agency and took it over to the post office yesterday, and when I got there realized that I had forgotten something. So I thought to myself that I would just take it Friday morning before Brian and I headed out of town. I was a little frustrated with myself but thought, "okay, it's really no big deal". When I got home that evening, I saw a that a letter from the agency had come in the mail. The letter stated that Vietnam now requires the full homestudy report instead of the two-page report (that we had paid extra to acquire!) and they need an extra $100 also. So it really was a good thing that I had not sent the package out or else we would have had to wait to get it back before getting the new items in it. Providence saves the day once more! So now I have to go back to downtown Atlanta to get the full-page version of the homestudy certified and authenticated. At least this time I know where I'm going. Hopefully that can get done Monday or Tuesday. We will definitely push for that. SO, not too much longer..."Patience, my pet!".

The Homestead

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I thought I would post some pictures of our house b/c I know it's changed a little bit since some of you have seen it. No drastic changes but little things here and there, maybe only things I myself would notice. We have a humble home, but we have enjoyed it and it is thoroughly cozy. It has been perfect for our needs. However, two dogs (if Mr. Playtime stays) and a baby will make it seem a little smaller than it feels now. As you all know, I love the Fall and so I decorated the house with those colors. My sister loves bright colors, but I love the cozy warm tones. It's funny, when we look at pictures of rooms in books or magazines, the differences in our tastes and preferences really become apparent!! We are opposites in that way. Except we do both love red, so we do have that in common. The warm colors are definitely what I'm drawn to. I just recently painted our from door red. It was white before. I've wanted a red door for a long time and finally got the nerve up to do it. It was pretty challenging but worth the effort in the end. Brian and I pressure washed the porch and rails the other night and unfortunately some of the water hit the front door and chipped off a couple of tiny spots. Bummer!! I think it can be touched up though. But I think the red door does give the house a little curb appeal since we don't have any flowers planted in the yard right now. The guest room will eventually become the baby's room. I will definitely put some pictures up of that when we get started and when we finish. But for now, enjoy the little tour of the homestead.

Doggie Update

So, I thought I'd update everyone on how Grissom is doing. Obviously, we still have him. A weekend has turned into a week and I suspect a week will turn into, well.....we're not sure yet! We have discussed maybe fostering him while the humane society posts listings for him. Brian would sure love to keep him. I'm becoming more attached but he just takes so much energy! I can see putting this much energy into a child, but a dog?!? Maybe I'm just used to Shiloh and her lazy ways. Grissom is cute and he seems to be learning how he SHOULD behave around Shiloh, but he regresses a good bit. He is great at going outside to do his business too which is very important! Shiloh sets a good example there. Shiloh seems to be a little more used to him now although he does interrupt her naps and she does not seem altogether pleased about that. That is a line he doesn't want to cross! He loves to play with his toys and he really wants nothing to do with sleeping. He's just like the energizer bunny!
We took him to get his shots and he will be neutered soon. Maybe that will help with some of the aggression.
We took him with us when we babysat the kids last week and Jack just seemed to have a ball with him. I was nervous that he would snap at Jack b/c he does that as he plays. Jack was loving it though and even though he did get little snips from Grissom here and there, he had a great time with him. Jack wore the little guy out so he slept all the way home. Every time Grissom would snip at Jack, Brian would say, "Are you okay?" and Jack finally said, "why do you keep asking me if I'm okay?" ! So apparently Jack didn't mind too much.
So we'll see where it goes from here. He might just crawl right up into my heart one of these days! You never know, you never know.

A Very Special Guest

We have a new member of the family, well, at least for the weekend. His name is Grissom (b/c he is always sniffing for "clues" like the dude on CSI) and we actually don't know how old he is. We think he's a beagle and maybe dachshund mix, and yes, he does have on a doggie diaper! You never know what a puppy is going to do and when! Gail, who works with Brian, found him under her car one day last week and has been caring for him since. She was going out of town this weekend so she asked if we could keep him and of course Brian was thrilled to take on that duty! He was as excited as when we adopted Shiloh. So Grissom has been with us since Thursday. He is VERY much a puppy still. He is very different from Shiloh who just sleeps all day. Grissom has things to chew and things to sniff so you'd better just get out of his way! Especially if you don't want your toes to become a chew toy! But he does great in a crate so when he gets a little carried away that's a great place for a rest. He's sort of brought out the puppy in Shiloh (to an extent!). It's sort of a little brother type of situation. He just would love it if Shiloh would play with him and he just aggravates her to death to no avail. Shiloh just stands there and takes it and ignores him as much as she can. When we brought out all of Shiloh's toys that she NEVER played with she all of a sudden became VERY interested in them when she saw Grissom was enjoying them. Doesn't that sound just like something a sibling would do?!!

So,it's been quite an adventure here. We'll see how the rest of the weekend goes. Brian will be so sad to see him go. He IS very cute and has the sort of crazy eyes that are just a little too big for his face...adorable. And he's just so tiny. What a cutie!

Choices

There are times in life when we have to choose what we are going to believe about God. I have been faced with this choice many times. There have been moments when what I was faced with was inconsistent with my expectations and I had to stop and reevaluate my perspective. Things happen in our lives that we don't understand and that seem cruel and unmerciful and sometimes, just not fair. When we are faced with these moments we have a choice to make: what are we going to believe about God? Who are we going to believe that He is? Merciful? Loving? Sovereign? It's not always easy to believe these things, especially when we only see hard times coming. I was just thinking about these things today and I got out some old journals b/c I remembered having written some things down about this. So I thought I would share some of it with you all. Some of it is quotes from authors I love and some just my own thoughts so hopefully it's not too confusing!
Dec. 12, 2004: "Lamentations 3:9-'He has blocked my way with hewn stone; He has made my paths crooked.'....Exactly how I feel! I'm so thankful though to know I'm not the only one who has felt this way! Vs. 8 too: 'So I say, My strength has perished from the Lord. And so has my hope from the Lord.'. ... But maybe this is where the rubber meets the road. What do I believe? Is God God or not?"
"We are given opportunity daily to reopen the question--Is God really God?... yes, when He does what I think He ought to. no, when He doesn't. I'll trust Him when things are going my way, and I'll reopen the question when things fall apart. Sovereign? well, I think so. Loving? some of the time. Able to save to the uttermost? Hmmmmmm. He IS God. Settle it. Be still and know it. Refuse to consider. The decision is a lifetime decision, and when other gods ring the doorbell, we need not bother to answer, except to remind ourselves: The king of glory is the Lord of hosts, Him alone I will trust and obey."
"Lazarus was sick. His sisters sent word to Jesus, sure that He would come immediately to heal him, But Jesus did not budge. So it happens some times with us. We are in urgent need of God's help. We ask for it. It does not come, We easily conclude that God is not listening , or that He does not care about our concerns, or that all the promises of His love have broken down. John 11:6: 'though He loved Martha and her sister and Lazarus, after hearing of his illness Jesus waited for two days'. Loving and waiting. The two things do not seem to us to go together, not in the middle of our particular situation. But the story lights up a facet we would miss. The glory of God is wrought through suffering and death which are strictly temporary. God is engineering things we can hardly dream of. Lazarus' story opens our eyes. He was indeed very ill. Mary and Martha were desperate. He died. THEN Jesus came. Lazarus' resurrection revealed the authority of God over the worst powers at work in the world, showed us His glory....Some day His glory will be revealed b/c of this thing we are desperate about. Remember it is because He loves us that He waits. Immediate intervention would abort the far greater thing He has in mind. Trust Him for the greater." E. Elliot .

God sees a bigger picture and He works to that end. In fact, if God didn't care about us, wouldn't it just be easier for Him to just give us everything we wanted? Yes, much like a loving parent He instead gives what we NEED and sometimes takes things from us so that we can be refined and made to be more like Him. Those times are not easy but we have to remember that what we see with our earthly eyes does not define or restrict God! He is working in and around and through all this that we see in order to bring us to a place we cannot see.
Sometimes it is easy to believe what is true about God, that He is loving, merciful and kind and that He sees me. Other times, the decision is more intentional. The great thing though is that when those moments come, and we are weak and having difficulty believing the truth, He is not angry or frustrated with us. No, indeed, He helps us believe. Amazing!! He remembers we are only dust and He has compassion. What mercy. What grace. Choose to believe that He is who is says He is. If the choice is difficult today, just go to God and tell Him so. Go as you are, He will accept you and love you there.

"Something I am going through today looks like a rough valley. It is not only that, it is, in the hand of God, a way out, a passage to a better place, a gateway to glory." E. Elliot

Lord, let there be, in my heart, rest instead of worry. Let there be belief instead of doubt. Let there be trusting instead of wavering. Let this be the refining, like that of silver, and may I, in the end of this road, be purified. Lord, help me to do this well.

Sunday

Brian and I had a great day today. First of all, the weather was awesome! It actually felt a little fall-ish today. I love it! We went to Sunday School and to church and both were wonderful. Our teacher has been teaching on the attributes of God. It's an interesting study and our teacher is interesting to listen to. We went home after picking up some lunch and took a very needed nap. You HAVE to take a nap on Sunday-- it's the unspoken rule! We got up and even though we were running late, we headed back to church for our small group with the Sunday School class. We're going through a financial planning lesson right now. It's a study that Dave Ramsey has done. He is a financial "guru" who is a Christian so his study is based on Christian principles. It's been good so far. I'm going to try to read his book and see if I can learn some things about our finances. Brian would be so proud! But we really had a good time hanging out afterwards, eating dinner with the friends we've made in the class. It's difficult to get to know people sometimes, especially when you only see them once a week for a limited amount of time. But we've continued to go to small group and I feel like we've finally broken through past that time of just getting to know each other and now we're able to sort of go to the next level in conversation which is great! I've really enjoyed getting to know the people in our class, and we're forming some good friendships there. So now we're back at home and Brian is watching his Yankees game so he's a happy boy. He loves those Yankees!
We're hoping to get our documents back from California this week and send them out soon to the agency. We'll keep our fingers crossed!

Travis Cottrell - In Christ Alone

I wanted to share this song with everyone. I first heard it during one of our first visits to the church we go to now. We had just come out of a difficult season, our second miscarriage, and the words to this song ministered to me in such a deep way. They still do. It is the Gospel message, the message of hope and peace. The truth of the Gospel is that we are loved and completely accepted by God through Jesus' death on the cross. Our struggles and sin no longer define us, and we do not have to fear or feel guilty because of our sin. He is our Comforter and He is the Giver of Peace. When I hear the words to this song, or the gospel message preached, I am just reminded that in God alone is our hope. I don't have to worry about the future and what it holds. He is the One in control here and always has been. I can fall back and let go because He is trustworthy. "I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord...plans to give you a future and a hope."

I hope you all enjoy it, and that it reminds you of all that Christ has done for us to allow us to stand before God guiltless and righteous..... How awesome!! I can't help but feel better when I think about that!

(If the website music continues to play when you start the video, just scroll to the bottom of your screen until you see "sonific songspot" on the right side. Then click "pause".)

The Office

No, I'm not referring to the new show on television, although it is HILARIOUS. I'm referring to my new place of employment. This time however I'm wielding rubber gloves and a sponge instead of a pen and paper. Yes, I am officially a janitor!! Well, we like to refer to me as the "cleaning staff"! Brian decided he was going to replace the former cleaning lady around the same time I was applying for jobs. I had applied for a couple and never heard back from them. I really just wanted something for this period of waiting, something that would bring in a little money. When he mentioned that he would be replacing her, I said "I'll do it!". I love to clean so it's really right up my alley. And I was glad to do it b/c every time I'd go to his office I'd find myself cleaning anyway b/c the other girl was not very thorough. So, I go in and clean in the mornings before anyone else arrives. It's quiet and I go at my own pace and I'm finished with work very early. I'm on an every other day kind of rotation. I just love it. I know it sounds a little nutty. Most people would not prefer that type of job. But I find it just perfect for what I was wanting and now, when we go to get the baby, there will be no problem with quitting.....I know the boss. So, thank you Lord for this very befitting job. I prayed very specifically for the best type of job for our situation and I believe that is what I've got!!

On Mistakes

We did get our documents out to California-finally! They went out Friday "Next Day" so they got them on Saturday. Brian had gone and picked up the cashier's check that we had to include in the package on Wednesday. I realized the next day right before I was heading to the post office, that one of the documents I had put in the package was not supposed to go and unfortunately we had included the $50 for it already in the cashier's check. So I thought I would call the bank to see if we could exchange it for a new one for the correct amount. She said we could, (I am glad we could save that $50, every little bit helps, right?) and she also asked if this was for adoption and I told her it was. She said that both our names needed to be on the check and that we both needed to be there for that. So I am so thankful that I made the error with the amount of the check b/c had I not, I would have sent the check out with only Brian's name on it. They probably would have sent all of our docs back b/c of it! So mistakes are not always "mistakes". As they say, God is in the details. Thank goodness too b/c I'm not always paying close enough attention to the details! So hopefully we will be getting those back next week and can send them out to the agency.

When Love Takes You In - Steven Curtis Chapman

This is a wonderful song about adoption. He has two adopted daughters from China. I love the words, especially the second verse, "In a moment what was is lost in what will be..". Well said.

The Journey

In the past few years I have been trying to journal consistently. This year I haven't done so well. But I'm trying to do better. The other day I got out one of my older journals and was reading through some of my entries. It's weird how it immediately takes me back to those emotions I was having at the time. That's what I love about journaling though. I tend to forget what my week was like last week let alone 2 years ago!! It's a great way to see how my thinking has changed or unfortunately sometimes has stayed the same though it needs to change. It's neat to look back at the road we've walked and where it's brought us. I only wish there was a way to see where it was taking us!!!! Wouldn't that be helpful?!? Or maybe not. Maybe that would be a little "scaredy", as my nephew Jack would say.
As I read I just want to scream "thank you" to God for His amazing faithfulness, not just for walking with us through the difficult times we've had but also for teaching us something while in them. You know, it's a hard lesson to learn sometimes, but God is not here to fulfill our every desire and wish. I think if He did that we end up worse off then we were before. He is here to reveal Himself to us so we'll know Him more, so that we'll believe that He is good ALL THE TIME, no matter what He brings into our lives. Sometimes I think I have a learning disability! I should know by now that my plans for my life are not always (not usually) God's plans. I have learned that it is better to have no expectations, although I haven't learned How to do this!! It's so much easier said than done. In one of my journal entries from last year I wrote, "I'm learning more and more that God is not so interested in my plans for things. I think I have great solutions to our problems and tell Him those solutions. I'm sure He's saying to me, 'Well that's okay, Jan. I've got things pretty much covered. I don't really need your solutions!' But still I get disappointed when things don't work out the way that seems easiest. ....I wish I could see the Big Picture. That is not granted to me but what is granted to me is the grace to make the right choice in my thinking and attitude, the grace to choose trust and faith over worry and fear."
I found this great prayer that I think sort of sums up the way I want to think:
"Take from me, O Lord,that self-pity which love of myself so readily produces, and from the frustration of not succeeding in the world as I would naturally desire, for these have no regard for your glory, Rather, create in me a sorrow that is conformable to your own. Let my pains rather express the happy condition of my conversion and salvation . Let me no longer wish for health or life, but to spend it and end it for you, with you, and in you. I pray neither for health nor sickness, life nor death, Rather I pray that you will dispose of my health, my sickness, my life, and my death, as for your glory, for my salvation, for the usefulness to your church and your saints, among whom I hope to be numbered. you alone know what is expedient for me,. You are the Sovereign Master, Do whatever pleases you. Give me or take away from me. Conform my will to yours, and grant that with a humble and perfect submission, and in holy confidence, I may dispose myself utterly to you. May I receive the orders of your everlasting, provident care. May I equally adore whatever proceeds from You." Blaise Pascal
I feel like my thoughts are sort of scattered today so I apologized if this is all over the place and doesn't seem cohesive. I guess what I'm saying is that when I look back I can see God's hand directing and guiding to where we are now. I see that He's been faithful to continue to teach me despite my hard-headedness, and He will continue to guide and teach in His goodness, and He IS good. And this is why He can be trusted even when the road is bumpy and full of curves and I can't see where in the world it's going. I can see, as I look back, that God is in control of it all. It's encouraging to me and it reminds me that I need to let go of the worrying and trying to figure it all out. There is rest in His sovereignty. Peaceful rest.

Shiloh

I had to write a post about the current baby of the family, Shiloh. Isn't she the cutest?!? Our family knows that we treat her like a baby. Brian says that we pour all of our parental instincts into her. How true. What will she think when we bring the baby home? I hope we'll still make here feel special somehow. This is a great picture of her. I was not feeling well that day and it was as if she knew it and wanted to comfort me. Well, that's how I chose to see it anyhow! She has been the most special blessing and at just the right time. She still makes us laugh at least once a day. Brian wants to get another one, but I'm not sold on that idea yet. I tell him if we move into a bigger house, maybe then we could. But I just can't imagine 2 dogs and a baby in this space we have now. I'm sure it's been done before though. He wants a beagle puppy. I say, let's get a dog that's already potty trained! But the beagle puppies are SO adorable with their long, floppy ears. We'll see. I wasn't sure about getting Shiloh when we did, but Brian proved me wrong and now I can't imagine life without her!

And so we wait....again

Last week I was able to get all of our 15 documents notarized and certified and actually made it to the Secretary of states office to have them place the Great Seal of Georgia on each one! That was an adventure because I had to go to downtown Atlanta to get that done. I'm not too familiar with downtown, but Brian helped me out with the directions and told me where to park. It wasn't difficult at all! I first had to go to the Fulton County courthouse which is actually within walking distance to the Secretary's office, so it wasn't that big of a deal. But while I was in there, the lady helping asked if we were adopting and from where, so we began to chat. When I got what I needed from her, I crossed the room to get my paperwork together. A man who was seated at a computer there said, "I couldn't help overhearing your conversation about adoption. My wife and I are adopting from Guatemala. We go to get our little girl in November!". It was neat to get to exchange a little bit about our experiences . He then gave me specific directions to the Secretary's office. I'm glad he did too b/c I may have gotten turned around. So all went well, without a hitch. Now I will send all of those documents out to California tomorrow. It should take the Vietnamese Embassy there about 2 weeks to check our documents and to authenticate them. Then they will send them back to us (hopefully there will be won't be any errors for us to correct), and we will send them on to our agency. Once our agency gets them, checks for errors, and translates them, they will send them on to Vietnam. Then all the paperwork will be complete and out of our hands. I can't even imagine what that's going to feel like!



So we'll be waiting for a couple of weeks to hear back from the Embassy. Waiting is hard, huh? Life is full of it. First we can't wait to grow up, then we can't wait to get married, then we can't wait to have kids, and then (from what I've heard) you can't wait til your kids get old enough to do such and such....and the list goes on. Sometimes I feel like I'm wishing time away. And it's speeding along so fast. Jennifer says it well, "the days go by slowly but the years goes by fast". That's so true. We are so excited about this baby and all that parenthood brings, but we need to enjoy the time that is now. God has purpose in this time, in this season and has given us so many blessings to enjoy and be thankful for. I want to make sure I'm not missing them b/c I'm looking and waiting for the next thing.

Seasons

I just love it when a new season arrives!! It seems I'm always ready for a change when it comes. Right now I am SO ready for the Fall and for cooler weather. But I'm also ready for Fall because it is my absolute favorite of all the seasons! Along with the cool weather it brings breathtaking beauty. I love the fall colors so much that I decorated my house with them! They are such warm and cozy colors. I wanted to surround my everyday life with the colors of the season I love the most. Life has many seasons, too, doesn't it? There are seasons of life that bring the warm, cozy memories and then there are seasons of life that seem cold and hard. They seem to drag on so long that it seems that you'll never see and feel the refreshing feeling of change. The Bible speaks about that. It says there is a time for all things, to laugh, to cry, to mourn, and even a time to dance (Ecc. 3). Brian and I have come out of one of the "colder seasons" of our lives and God has brought us into a new, vibrant one. We are in the process of adopting a little girl from Vietnam. It's a time of excitement, nervousness and anticipation. My sister Jennifer has become an avid blogger and suggested that a blog would be a great way to keep family and friends updated on our progress. So here I go, my first blog! It will be fun to involve friends and family in our journey. I hope everyone will enjoy coming along.