There are times in life when we have to choose what we are going to believe about God. I have been faced with this choice many times. There have been moments when what I was faced with was inconsistent with my expectations and I had to stop and reevaluate my perspective. Things happen in our lives that we don't understand and that seem cruel and unmerciful and sometimes, just not fair. When we are faced with these moments we have a choice to make: what are we going to believe about God? Who are we going to believe that He is? Merciful? Loving? Sovereign? It's not always easy to believe these things, especially when we only see hard times coming. I was just thinking about these things today and I got out some old journals b/c I remembered having written some things down about this. So I thought I would share some of it with you all. Some of it is quotes from authors I love and some just my own thoughts so hopefully it's not too confusing!
Dec. 12, 2004: "Lamentations 3:9-'He has blocked my way with hewn stone; He has made my paths crooked.'....Exactly how I feel! I'm so thankful though to know I'm not the only one who has felt this way! Vs. 8 too: 'So I say, My strength has perished from the Lord. And so has my hope from the Lord.'. ... But maybe this is where the rubber meets the road. What do I believe? Is God God or not?"
"We are given opportunity daily to reopen the question--Is God really God?... yes, when He does what I think He ought to. no, when He doesn't. I'll trust Him when things are going my way, and I'll reopen the question when things fall apart. Sovereign? well, I think so. Loving? some of the time. Able to save to the uttermost? Hmmmmmm. He IS God. Settle it. Be still and know it. Refuse to consider. The decision is a lifetime decision, and when other gods ring the doorbell, we need not bother to answer, except to remind ourselves: The king of glory is the Lord of hosts, Him alone I will trust and obey."
"Lazarus was sick. His sisters sent word to Jesus, sure that He would come immediately to heal him, But Jesus did not budge. So it happens some times with us. We are in urgent need of God's help. We ask for it. It does not come, We easily conclude that God is not listening , or that He does not care about our concerns, or that all the promises of His love have broken down. John 11:6: 'though He loved Martha and her sister and Lazarus, after hearing of his illness Jesus waited for two days'. Loving and waiting. The two things do not seem to us to go together, not in the middle of our particular situation. But the story lights up a facet we would miss. The glory of God is wrought through suffering and death which are strictly temporary. God is engineering things we can hardly dream of. Lazarus' story opens our eyes. He was indeed very ill. Mary and Martha were desperate. He died. THEN Jesus came. Lazarus' resurrection revealed the authority of God over the worst powers at work in the world, showed us His glory....Some day His glory will be revealed b/c of this thing we are desperate about. Remember it is because He loves us that He waits. Immediate intervention would abort the far greater thing He has in mind. Trust Him for the greater." E. Elliot .
God sees a bigger picture and He works to that end. In fact, if God didn't care about us, wouldn't it just be easier for Him to just give us everything we wanted? Yes, much like a loving parent He instead gives what we NEED and sometimes takes things from us so that we can be refined and made to be more like Him. Those times are not easy but we have to remember that what we see with our earthly eyes does not define or restrict God! He is working in and around and through all this that we see in order to bring us to a place we cannot see.
Sometimes it is easy to believe what is true about God, that He is loving, merciful and kind and that He sees me. Other times, the decision is more intentional. The great thing though is that when those moments come, and we are weak and having difficulty believing the truth, He is not angry or frustrated with us. No, indeed, He helps us believe. Amazing!! He remembers we are only dust and He has compassion. What mercy. What grace. Choose to believe that He is who is says He is. If the choice is difficult today, just go to God and tell Him so. Go as you are, He will accept you and love you there.
"Something I am going through today looks like a rough valley. It is not only that, it is, in the hand of God, a way out, a passage to a better place, a gateway to glory." E. Elliot
Lord, let there be, in my heart, rest instead of worry. Let there be belief instead of doubt. Let there be trusting instead of wavering. Let this be the refining, like that of silver, and may I, in the end of this road, be purified. Lord, help me to do this well.
5 comments:
Jan, thank you for sharing all of that. The Lazarus thing is such a hard, beautiful truth about God. Tomorrow is 2 years since our sweet friend, Steve Floyd, was killed, and at his funeral the homily was exactly that. Somehow, someway this (his death) is God loving us. What? But its truth, and its what gives us hope, that we can press on thru the trials and choose to believe that God is God. Amen Sister!
Ashlie, I was thinking about Steve the other day. I know tomorrow will be a sad day for his wife. I will be praying for her. It is hard to understand. God's ways and thoughts are so much higher than ours. I'm so thankful that His grace is sufficient. I remember you saying to me once shortly after he died that these things help us to remain somewhat unattached to this world and desire to be with Him (I think you said it better than I did though. I've remembered that and believe it's true. This world is not our home and so we're never going to be completely comfortable here. It's hard but comforting at the same time.
Dear Jan,
I believe someday we will look back and see that God has orchestrated something beautiful through these difficult times.
You have surely matured and gained so much heavenly perspective, and it is going to keep you grounded throughout your life. I really believe that.
I have been thinking about choices lately, too. Just this morning on my drive in to work, I was thinking about it. I don't think I can add anything to what you expressed so beautifully, but I am definitely in agreement with you.
I think I need to start making more positive choices and leaning into them in a steadfast mannner.
Keep on keeping on, Daughter.
Love,
Mom
When you read your journals, isn't it amazing? Doesn't it seem like, "when and how did I learn that?" God comes so quietly, but with more power than we realize. I like the quotes a lot, you're right, it's good to know that others have gone before us in these hard things, they've dealt with God, and he is not made less by that. I find Lam. 3 to be a shockingly, frighteningly accurate description of human feeling... but it is followed by that glorious statement of faith..."Great is your faithfulness! Your mercies are new every morning!" It can only be grace.
I was just telling someone yesterday about how I've been reading a book on the Patriarchs. Remember Jacob's limp? The author of my book says that it was his "badge of honor," a token from God that he had "struggled with God and overcome." He walked away, alive, with the sun rising over him, the glory of God resting upon him, and he limped.... and he always would. God had struggled with him, like a father wrestles with his son, holding back, letting him win, letting him grow strong... until one day the boy IS strong. Like Jacob,we struggle with God and grow stronger... and we walk away, limping, but we have God's approval, we have the sun rising over us, we have a new identity. We have seen God more clearly.
"Trust him, though you cannot see Him, and He has no silver hand to hold. Trust Him though you have no name to call Him by, though out of the black night He leaps like a stranger to cripple and to bless." (From "Son of Laughter")
Jennifer, I LOVE what you said about Jacob! I never knew exactly how to take that passage. That is so interesting. I'm going to be thinking about that today. I think that just reaffirms that it's okay to struggle through these things. Growing pains. I get so tired of them. Sometimes I think like a kid would, "can't I just hurry up and be grown now?"! No more growing pains! But like you've said before, it's cruel mercies. I'm glad He's not content to let me stay the same.
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