A Transformed Mind

Do you ever feel sort of down, depressed and you don't know why? Sort of like all of a sudden it hits you and you realize that you're feeling weighed down by something? I do this sometimes. It happens subtly and quietly. I was reading a book the other day called, "Tired of Trying to Measure Up", (quite a title!) and he summed this up rather easily and in a way that it made so much sense to me. He said that if we are producing feelings or actions that are not of the Spirit (the fruits of the Spirit are love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control Gal.5:22) or we are producing fruits of the flesh (jealousy, envying, anger etc), then we need to stop and consider, "According to what am I walking? What am I focused on right now that has me feeling and thinking this way?" I have kept this in my mind the last few days.

I realize that in a moment like this, if I stop and think, I can pinpoint what it is that has me here in this place. Sometimes it starts with a quick fearful thought that passes by me in the morning, just briefly but hangs over me like a looming storm cloud. I can walk the whole day in reaction to that brief thought. It can affect my whole attitude. Especially if I'm in the habit of thinking in this manner. We have to be so careful. I don't mean we have to get bogged down and analyze every little thought we have. But generally speaking, we need be careful that we're not making sinful thought patterns a habit allowing them to color our daily lives and how we view our Heavenly Father. God does not change according to our circumstances. He is not affected by them. He controls them. If someone could read my thoughts they would not walk away saying, "Now there goes a girl who trust God 100%!" They would say instead, "boy, she really gets thrown by the circumstances that come her way!" I don't want this to be so.

Jennifer's blog yesterday made me think about this. She actually referred to another blog she had read that was written about gratitude. It got me to thinkin' about gratitude in a new way. When we are not grateful, we will not be peaceful. Gratitude breeds peace and that breeds patience with those around us. That in turn will lead to love. But I can be so ungrateful. I find myself like the Israelites, "wailing at the door of my tent" out of discontent, afraid that God means me harm and not good. Often, according to my actions,I believe down deep that I know what's best for me. Of course, I am not thinking this consciously. But it manifests in me through fear. I become afraid of what might happen. I fear that His plan is not good, and this in turn causes me to strive for control. Imagine how this shapes the thoughts I have during my day! SO I go through the day, trying to control certain things, frustrated obviously b/c even with all my efforts to control, I can't. And frustration and anger and fear consume. But all I know, if I'm not stopping and thinking things through, is that I feel panicky and sad and well, as I said, frustrated. And all of a sudden I'll have a moment where I realize how down I am, and say to myself,"why am I having such a bad day?" So this is why it is so important to listen to the quiet voice of the Spirit as He moves us to stop and consider, "What are you focused on here?".

I hope this makes sense. I have just been having these things running through my mind the last couple of days. I just threw it all out there! I just hope that I can be more aware of my thoughts and take them to the cross and to Jesus before I get taken by them.